Alignment

Last year, I found myself in a strange place in my career. I loved what I was doing but something was off. At the time, I couldn’t pinpoint what was happening. I made the tough decision to take a step back from something I had thrown my entire being into creating. The truth is, my businesses were going in a direction that was no longer in alignment with who I was and who I wanted to be. I intentionally…consciously…allowed them to drift away because I no longer wanted that for myself.

I find myself lately, allowing those dreams of what the future could hold to float in and out…easily and peacefully. No stress attached to them. No worry about the how’s and why’s. Just a loving awareness that I’m headed toward something that is in perfect alignment with who I have become and the me that’s out there in the future, waiting patiently for the current me to arrive.

I’m allowing myself to drop the masks that have been placed on me by myself and others. It’s getting easier for me to say, “This no longer belongs to me.” What a relief to throw those old aspects of self into the flames that are fueling massive changes in my life. I am content, for the first time in a long time, with just allowing my life to flow. So I flow, towards a destination I can’t see, but that I trust is perfectly laid out so that I can be of service to those who need me…myself included.

Renewal

I’m laying in bed when I suddenly have a vision of dirt coming up from under me and slowly covering my body. I hear a gentle voice telling me not to worry…Telling me I’m safe. The dirt is cool and comforting and it blankets me from head to toe.

“When you wake up, you will be renewed. The only thing lacking will be fear and doubt.”

It’s been a fearful month for me. I’ve avoided any spiritual work because I was afraid of going deeper into the things that were surfacing. Afraid of the changes that letting go would bring.

Last night was the first time I’ve meditated, done self-healing, or used any of the other tools that are available to me in over a month. I sat down in front of my altar and asked for help. That is always the hardest thing for me to do. I asked and I immediately felt the loving presence of spirit around me. I felt cradled in warmth and healing energy. I felt the release of many of the things I’ve held onto that were no longer serving me.

The one benefit of allowing myself to go lower than I like is that I can intensely feel the expansion of energy when spirit rushes in to help me. I take it for granted that I can feel that all the time when I’m taking care of myself. I don’t notice how it affects me until I’ve allowed the energy flow to trickle down to almost nothing.

So as I lay down to sleep last night, feeling waves of energy still flowing over me, I had full trust that spirit was burying me so that I could continue to grow. Those fears that I’ve been carrying with me were slowly, gently absorbed into the soil that surrounded my body. I woke up renewed, just as I was told.

Meet Susan

These past few weeks have been filled with moments that have triggered me. Moments that have made me feel like a downward spiral was coming. Moments of pain and overreaction that, at another time, would have sent me spiraling out of control.

Except…now I know that my intense physical and emotional reactions are nothing more than my ego kicking in. So I have to say, “Dammit Susan, (yes, I named my ego Susan) go sit in the corner.” “Dammit Susan, go sit on the porch.” “Dammit Susan, I know that you are feeling unsafe and I love you for trying to protect me.”

There are no bad guys here; no boogie men in my closet. Only my thoughts running wild, trying to make monsters out of mice. I am safe. In the chaos of these major life changes, I am surrounded by protectors.

In the knowledge that there is nothing trying to hurt me, not really, is understanding that everything that is happening now is only meant to free me from the things that are holding me back. I am on my way to freedom and success and happiness in my life. I am being guided to exactly where I need to be. Above all else, I am safe.

Microbiology and Thoughts on Life

Several years ago, I took a microbiology class. It is still one of my all-time favorites because it brought about deep insights during a very dark period of my life. I remember sitting there listening to my professor talking about the jobs of different cells in the body and being fascinated by how human-like they seemed.

There are cells that protect us, cells that heal us, cells that act as an almost military unit to fight off invaders, and even cells that act like garbage trucks gobbling up the “trash” that’s floating around in our bloodstreams. These tiny little cells make up the whole that is us. So do we make up the whole of something else? Something far larger and greater than ourselves? If these tiny cells aren’t doing their jobs, the system fails. What if, by not listening to spirit when we are called to a place, person, action, etc., we are ignoring our role in the system around us?

I started to think of the earth as a whole being and myself as one tiny functioning part. Am I doing my part to keep this system functioning? If I’m not, and there are many others who are not, then does the whole system fail? How do you fix a failing system of this size?

When the body is sick, we give it medicine to cover up a problem or vitamins and minerals to help it heal. We give our bodies the building blocks to repair themselves. I want to be a building block for our world…not a bandaid that just covers up a wound. What if we could all be the vital nutrients needed to repair our beautiful earth? Maybe those of us who listen to her calls are here to help others learn to hear the whispered words of spirit, as well. Maybe I should no longer question the things that are calling me, just in case I’m being called to be a building block.